"Turn the radio off."

Dear readers, I wrote this on May 31, 2010. I reposted it today.
Why?.... please read on....

Remember when I once mentioned in 2010 that my singing was intolerable for Miggy's auditory senses? And that I had stopped singing (which I really love) and even humming since he was 2 yrs old? And that I could wait until when he's ready? And that if forever he still wouldn't let me, that it would still be okay? Well, today, I just sang a few lines of "Better Days" while sweeping the bedroom floor and he didn't scream, "Stop singing, Mommy!" Do you even realize how big a milestone this is? And just thinking about it and writing this post made me really, really cry. Do you know how it feels to be a mother of a special child? That the smallest victories feel this magical?

"Turn the radio off."
Miggy says this every time he hears the sound of the radio. He doesn't like the sound in closed spaces, like in the car or in a closed room.

He is hypersensitive to sound. He hears sounds that for us, are almost inaudible. Some individuals with autism could not filter sound just like we do. We can listen to sounds that we choose, eliminating those we do not want to hear. Autistics are different. Some of them hear all incoming sounds with same decibels. This is the reason they sometimes cover their ears. Imagine all sounds, near or far, such as the chirp of a bird, ting sound of the microwave, television, roar of a motorcycle, a pencil falling on the floor, as all coming in with the same intensity. It is too overwhelming for them.

There is one sound that is very intolerable for Miggy: my singing. He would always say, "Stop singing, Mommy." My speaking voice is fine with him. He obeys my every command and he earnestly listens and absorbs my academic tutorials.

Miggy loves to sing. He learned it from videos and from his teachers. Anyone can sing, except me.

(Ha ha! Please don't get me wrong. I had always been a "blue bird" back at school. Although I didn't have the magical voice of a soloist, proudly, I sang in tune and in perfect harmony with our singing group, and proudly again, we joined the school songfest yearly back then. Ha Ha again, sadly, we never won.)

I don't sing or hum anymore. I guess I'll just have to wait until Miggy tells me "Sing this song for me, Mommy." Gladly, I would. When? It could be tomorrow or next month or a few years from now... or could it be never? Who knows when? Patiently, I'll wait.... even if it takes forever. I'll be ready when you are, Miggy.